Savior (An Impossible Novel) Read online

  “It’s not about volume, it’s about speed,” I stipulated. “I couldn’t help but overhear you two commenting on my skills. I asked if you thought you could do better. I still haven’t gotten an answer.”

  I pouted slightly and put my hands on my hips in a way that thrust out my breasts. Jeff made a visible effort to maintain eye contact, but Sam’s gaze riveted on my chest. God, these guys were easy to manipulate. And I had to admit, playing with them was pretty fun. Especially because they deserved it.

  Jeff’s smile was slightly condescending, as though he sensed an easy victory. “Okay, then. You’re on. What are we drinking? Do you ladies like Bud Light?”

  Penny snorted derisively. “Light beer? Where’s the challenge in that? We’re talking hard liquor, boys.” She looked at me questioningly. “What do you think, Stella? Dirty Grey Goose martinis? You like it dirty, right?”

  Oh, she was good. She was going to make them pay through the nose. The conspiratorial grin I gave her was genuine. “You know me all too well, Gloria.” I touched her arm lightly as I spoke, the way girls do when they’re trying to get attention from guys.

  Jeff’s and Sam’s mouths were hanging open again. I was pretty sure Sam was about to start drooling. It took effort not to laugh as I stared at them expectantly. Jeff, who seemed to be quicker on his feet – if only slightly – shook himself and turned to the bartender to order the martinis. He looked a bit sick as he handed over a wad of cash for our pricey drinks, and I felt a surge of vindictive triumph. But I wasn’t done with them yet. A little more humiliation was in order.

  I allowed my fingers to brush his forearm as I reached for my glass, and was pleased to see lust flare in his eyes. His balls were going to be aching by the time I finished with him. Allowing my touch to linger, I leaned into him until my lips were at his ear. His breaths were warm against my neck, and they quickened as I made him wait. Smiling evilly, I finally whispered, “Go.”

  With that as his only warning, I pulled back from him and raised my glass. He stared at me dumbly as I raised it to my lips and poured it down my throat, never breaking eye contact with him. I finished in a matter of seconds. No one else even came close to touching me. Penny came in second, no doubt because she wasn’t encumbered by a penis getting in the way of her brain. Even then, her glass was still about two-thirds of the way full. Sam had managed a swallow, but Jeff was just staring at me in awe, his drink untouched.

  I wasn’t sure if the rush I felt was from the alcohol or my victory. It was a shame to have downed Grey Goose rather than enjoying it, but it was either drink it or toss it in Jeff’s face. I had always wanted to throw a martini at a deserving douchebag, but that wasn’t the lesson I was trying to teach tonight.

  “Looks like I win!” I said brightly. “What’s my prize?”

  Jeff’s expression was almost reverential. “Anything you want, baby.”

  A sly grin spread across my face, and I leaned into him again, splaying my fingers across his chest this time. “Anything?” I asked huskily. He nodded enthusiastically. I touched my tongue to my lips, pretending to consider my options for a moment. “I think I’ll have another martini for now,” I declared. “And as the losers, you boys have to do three shots of gin. Each.”

  Sam had something to say about that. “Shots of gin?! No way. That’s fucking disgusting.”

  I kept my attention on Jeff, making my eyes go wide and innocent. “I think as the winner it’s only fair that I get to decide. Don’t you?”

  He hesitated, glancing over at his friend. Penny chimed in just in time to seal the deal. “Well, if you boys can’t handle your liquor, then I guess we’ll have to go find someone else to play with.”

  “No. Wait, baby. We’ll do it.” It seemed Sam had set his sights on Penny. She gave him a smile so dazzling he looked as though someone had slapped him across the face.

  This wasn’t just easy. This was fun. I wondered briefly if this was what it felt like to be a Dominatrix. Wielding this sort of power over men was heady.

  A few minutes later, the shots were lined up on the bar and I had a fresh, expensive martini in my hand – one I intended to savor this time around.

  The boys looked at each other solemnly as they lifted their glasses, apprehension etched across their features. Sam gagged and stalled out after the first shot, but Jeff took them back one after another in order to get it over with quickly. When he was finished, he grabbed his martini and gulped it down.

  “Yeah, because using vodka and vermouth as a chaser is a great idea,” Penny whispered, and I couldn’t help laughing out loud.

  We finished the last of our martinis as the boys coughed and spluttered. At one point, I thought Sam was going to be sick, but he held it together. He also decided his martini was a good chaser.

  “I need the restroom, Gloria,” I announced.

  “Sure,” she replied, hooking her arm through mine. “I’ll come with you.”

  I smiled at Jeff. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were over-bright. Perfect. These guys were going to be too fucked up to even get themselves off tonight, much less lure some poor girl home with them. My work here was done.

  “We’ll be right back,” I lied. “Don’t go anywhere.”

  “We won’t!” Jeff called after me, a promise in his voice.

  As soon as we crossed the exit and the cool night air hit us, Penny and I erupted with laughter. It was the kind of laughter so all-consuming that it takes your breath away and makes your eyes water. By the time it subsided, I was leaning up against the brick wall outside the bar, my chest heaving as I gasped for air. My head was spinning, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the lack of oxygen reaching my brain or the four cocktails I had downed in the space of an hour.

  “That…” Penny gasped out. “Was awesome. Remind me never to insult you.”

  “You were damn good with the assists,” I said seriously. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Gloria.”

  We burst into a fit of giggles all over again. God, I had needed this. Teaching those mouthy college boys a well-deserved lesson had been exhilarating. Even better, it had gotten my mind off of Greg and Clayton for a solid hour.

  Fuck. I didn’t want to go home yet, didn’t want to have to return to being Rose and take on all of the problems that came along with her.

  “So where to next?” I asked with false enthusiasm.

  “Uh-uh,” Penny shook her head. “I am not up for a Rose Baker all-night adventure. I have to work tomorrow.”

  “Aw, c’mon. Don’t be lame, Penn.” My voice came out sounding more pleading than I had intended for it to. And Penny didn’t miss it. She put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly.

  “Hey,” she said gently. “If it’s bothering you this much, you really should just call him.”

  Damn, she was perceptive. The woman should be a therapist, not a fashion designer. And I did want to call Clayton. All of the alcohol was making me horny. It heated my veins and made my pussy pulse. I could march back into the bar and find another guy easily. But I didn’t want another guy.

  I pulled out my phone to check the time. The numbers blurred and danced, so I blinked hard until they settled into a recognizable pattern. 10:42. That was still early enough to call, right?

  “I need your opinion, Penn. Is it obviously a booty call after 10 PM?”

  “That depends. Are you calling him for sex?”

  I nodded. There was no point in lying.

  She deliberated for a moment. “Maybe send a few texts to test the waters. You don’t want to sound desperate if he’s not up for it. It is a Thursday night, after all. Not all of us are capable of working hard all day and playing hard all night and still looking flawless,” she said ruefully.

  “I don’t know who you’re talking about. Apparently I have dark circles under my eyes,” I quipped.

  She made an exasperated noise and made a grab for my phone. “Are you going to text him or am I going to have to do it for you?”

 
My body careened to the side as I moved to jerk it out of her reach, and my shoulder collided painfully with the brick wall. Apparently I was more intoxicated than I had originally thought.

  “Okay, no sex for you,” Penny decreed firmly. “You’re going home.”

  “Alright, alright.” I held up my hands, capitulating. “I guess it’s been enough fun for one evening.”

  “Do you want to share a cab?” Her eyes were filled with concern.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t live anywhere near my apartment.”

  “Okay, then,” she said as she hailed a cab. “You take the first one.”

  I shook my head. “I just spent my cab money on some pricey, disgusting whisky. I’m taking the bus.”

  There was a taxi waiting beside Penny now, but she still looked reluctant to leave me.

  “I’ve been much drunker than this and gotten home just fine,” I insisted. “You’ve seen me do it.”

  “Alright,” she conceded. “But call me if you need me.”

  “Will do,” I promised.

  As her taxi drove away, the last vestiges of my high left me. I was alone again. And I was going to have to go home. Out of habit, I prayed I would find a lucid Greg when I got there.

  But now I wasn’t so sure if that was what I wanted. Recently, when Greg hadn’t been high, he had been mean. And now there was the possibility he might get violent. The thought horrified me almost as much as the prospect of finding him strung out.

  Hopefully he won’t be there at all.

  I instantly hated myself for thinking that. If he wasn’t at the apartment, then he was out with the Latin Kings. They could be hurting him right now, while I was out getting drunk and toying with college boys. My little adventure with Penny suddenly soured as Rose Baker’s reality settled back over me.

  The idea of returning to my apartment alone was almost unbearable. With or without Greg being there, I would be alone. And I couldn’t bear my own company.

  As inadvisable as it might be, I pulled my phone out of my purse to compose a text. It had been hard enough to read the clock; navigating my way to my contact list and finding Clayton’s name took far more effort. The final hurdle was typing the message itself. I was trying for a simple “What’s up?”, but random letters kept appearing on my screen. Why did the individual letter keys have to be so goddamn tiny? It didn’t help that they seemed to jump away from my finger as I tried to press them.

  There were some annoying jerks catcalling behind me, but I ignored them. It took a minute for their words to penetrate my fuzzy mind; I was too intent on what I was doing.

  “Stella!”

  “Hey, baby, where’s Gloria?”

  Shit.

  “Go away,” I ordered. Not even sparing them a backward glance, I started walking. I was pretty sure I was headed in the right direction, but I was more concerned with getting away from them. They had played their part in my little act of escapism. But I wasn’t Stella anymore.

  “I thought you said you were coming back. We waited for you.” They were closer now. I was clearly going to have to deal with them directly in order to make them back off.

  “Fuck off!” I snapped as I spun to face them. But my sense of balance was shot, and I tripped on my high heels. I let out a string of curses as my knees banged on the concrete. I was going to have a lot of self-inflicted bruises in the morning.

  Two pairs of hands clasped around my upper arms and helped pull me to my feet. Jeff was laughing.

  “Damn, baby. I knew you had a filthy mouth, but you cuss like a sailor.”

  “Hey, I don’t mind, baby. You can use your mouth on me anytime.” Sam’s words were slurred, but his hold on my arm was firm. What had happened to the two guys who had been eating out of the palm of my hand? A sliver of fear knifed through my gut. They had been completely in my power at the bar, but now I was most definitely not the one in control.

  “Take your hands off her, and walk away.” His voice was calm, but it cut through the air like a cracking whip.

  “Clayton,” I breathed. I was both relieved and horrified to see him standing before me. Had he heard what they had said about me? About my mouth? One look into his blazing eyes was all the answer I needed, and my cheeks burned with shame.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Jeff demanded angrily.

  Clayton didn’t answer him. Instead, he pulled aside his suit jacket so that his gun was visible.

  “Leave. Now.”

  The boys released me instantly, cursing as they tripped over their feet trying to put distance between us.

  I had hoped that when they had stumbled off, Clayton’s fierce expression might melt into something more reassuring, but I had no such luck. Because now the furious glare that had just sent two men running away was fully turned on me. The sick thing was, it thrilled me almost as much as it terrified me.

  Chapter 6

  My heart fluttered against my ribcage as tense silence stretched between us. The sense of power emanating from Clayton made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I wasn’t afraid of his anger; I knew he would never hurt me. But the man standing before me was implacable, unbending. Nothing like the immature boys who I had so easily reduced to putty in my hands. And that challenge to my ability to control the situation was terrifying. In a decidedly arousing way.

  “Do you want to explain to me what the hell you think you’re doing?” I had expected him to shout at me, but when he spoke, his voice was carefully controlled.

  “I…” I stammered stupidly, completely thrown off. “I was just trying to text you.” I held up my phone between us like a shield. He glanced down at the severely battered device and then fixed me with a hard stare, one brow arched. Damn. Was I the only person who couldn’t pull that off?

  “I believe trying is the operative word there,” he said coolly. “Allow me to re-phrase: What possessed you to get tanked and walk home alone at night when you know that the most violent gang in the city might be after you? Not to mention the fact that you just baited two drunk assholes and then dropped them cold. Are you actively trying to get yourself into trouble?”

  A chunk of ice settled in the pit of my stomach. “You… You saw that?” I asked faintly.

  “You’re not a slut, Rose.”

  If he really had believed that before, he most certainly didn’t anymore. How could he after witnessing my lewd little drinking game? My cheeks flamed red hot, and stupid, alcohol-enabled tears blurred my vision.

  Clayton’s lips twisted downward as though he had a nasty taste in his mouth. “Yes,” he replied, his voice clipped. “I saw the obscene gestures they made at you. I’m not saying they didn’t deserve to be knocked down a few pegs. Hell, I wanted to come give them a good punch myself.” His fists clenched with suppressed anger, and I wasn’t sure if it was directed at them or at me. “But what you did was reckless and dangerous. You led them on and then got them drunk. Do you even realize what they might have done to you? And then it wouldn’t matter what you said; they easily could claim that you wanted it.”

  I dropped my eyes as the hot tears of shame spilled over. Clayton had borne witness to my promiscuity. He would never look at me the same way again. “I…” My voice wavered. “I’m sorry.”

  To my surprise, I felt his strong arms enfold me as he held me tightly against his chest. “I’m not judging you, Rose,” he said softly. “I know you’re going through a hard time. I can understand that kind of pressure can drive people to do reckless things. But I’ve watched too many people I care about destroy themselves that way.” He suddenly sounded weary, but there was a thread of determination in his voice. “And I’m not about to stand by and watch you head down that path.”

  He cares about me? How could he possibly after what he had seen me do?

  I laughed hollowly. “You’re a little late. I’ve been on this path for a while.” Alcohol loosened my tongue, and I couldn’t seem to stop my deepest secrets from spilling forth. Especially not when he was holdi
ng me like this. I didn’t deserve it. And he deserved to know who I really was. My heart twisted as I came to the realization that he would finally back away in revulsion when he did, but it would be better than the pain I felt at him forcing me to face my problems. “This is what I am, Clayton. I learned a long time ago that there was no point in fighting it. It’s not your job to save me.”

  “Look at me, Rose,” he commanded sternly. I couldn’t resist his direct order, and I found myself trapped in the intensity of his piercing gaze. “That is my job. Not just because I’ve been assigned to your case, but because I care about you. I swore to protect you, and I’m not going to let you down. And nothing you do or say will make me give up on you. I’m not going anywhere, Rose. Not even if you want me to.”

  There it was again: he said he cared about me. And now he was swearing that he wouldn’t abandon me. I hardly dared to believe it. I had been abandoned and shunned by too many people who should have cared about me to trust that. The only person who truly knew me who had stuck by me was Greg, and now I didn’t even have him. Not really. He was just the shadow of my brother, a monster who wore his skin.

  “Why?” I whispered. “Why do you care? I’m just a… a slut who’s going nowhere in life.”

  Clayton frowned and his eyes flashed angrily. He gripped my upper arms hard, as though he wanted to shake me. “I don’t ever want to hear you call yourself that word again. Whoever has made you believe that…” He stopped himself, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath to reign in his anger. “You have every right to choose what to do with your own body. So long as you’re safe about it. People have this imbalanced notion that a woman who is confident in her sexuality is a slut, but a man who does so is admired for his prowess. It’s a double standard I don’t believe in.” He cupped my cheek tenderly, and I suddenly felt small and vulnerable in his hold. I was distantly surprised to find that it wasn’t a wholly unpleasant sensation. When he spoke again, his voice was rough with emotion. “But I can’t deny that seeing those guys touching you, seeing you flirt with them… It made me jealous as hell. You’re free to do as you please with your own body, but I want to be the only one who touches it.”